Issue 7

By El Loco Hombre69

I know this might be a little late, but as most of you know, Wrestlecrap has shut down. Now, for those of you who didn’t know about it, Wrestlecrap was a website that made fun of the worst gimmicks in wrestling ever. This included such crap as Issac Yankem, Papa Shango, The Goon, The Ding Dongs, The fake Sting, and my personal favorite, The Ultimate Warrior/Jake the Snake training sessions. So, as my tribute to Wrestlecrap, I am here to give you the worst gimmicks of some ECW veterans.

-Shane Douglas: By far the ECW wrestler that was inducted the most into Wrestlcrap (3 times), all I can say is he had some pretty bad gimmicks. In the WCW, he was one half of the Dynamic Dudes, along with Johnny Ace, a couple of surfer dudes who wore hot pink and neon yellow clothes and brought skateboards to the ring….pathetic to say the least. His second induction was that of Dean Douglas, who was a professor who would lecture the crowd. Crap to say the least. And finally, his last and definitely most craptacular gimmick he was involved in: The viagra on a pole match. Yes…you heard me right, a VIAGRA ON A F*CKIN POLE MATCH! It seems that Douglas couldn’t get it up, as the story goes (yeah….sure….we believe it was just a story wink, wink). He defeated Billy Kidman, and then proceeded to stuff viagra in his mouth. God Vince Russo was a horny bastard who never got any….

Poor Shane!
-Balls Mahoney: Ah….Balls Mahoney. Before he was the big ball singing, chair swinging, hardcore freak, he was Xanta Klaus, the evil version of Santa Claus who wore black and red instead of red and white (to signify he’s evil silly!). Yes…..we were lead to believe that Santa Clause was in fact real, and that Ted DiBiase brought in his evil brother. I feel sorry for poor old Balls. 

-Justin Credible: I think we all know that before Justin Credible came to ECW, he was the WWF’s Aldo Montoya, the Portugese Man-O-War, a high flyer who wore a yellow jock strap on his head. Hahahaha….a YELLOW JOCK STRAP! Oh man…whenever I look at that picture of him, I can’t help but laugh my ass off at it. Supposedly he was from Portugal and could speak little English, the reason why he never did any interviews. However, when he finally did an interview, he spoke perfect English! Seems someone forgot they were form another country….

Yes, this is REAL!

-Mike Awesome: After Mike Awesome left ECW to go to WCW, he was given the gimmick of That 70’s Man, quite possibly one of the worst gimmicks ever! He would have his own tripped out lounge (with plenty of lava lamps of course) where he would conduct the crappiest interviews ever, overflowing with such horrible pick up lines as “are you from Tennesse, cause you’re the only 10 I see”. HA!…..not really. Anyways, if there was any good to come out of this gimmick, it was the appearance of Gary Coleman, who behind Mr. T, is the FREAKIN MAN!

-Raven: If I can’t find a picture of Johnny Polo, than I’m sorry, but this gimmick really sucked too. When Raven came into the WWF in the early 90’s, he was dressed up in a wicked goof outfit with a top hat and a cane, and was named Johnny Polo, crappy manager for hire, or something like that. I forgot who he managed, but he surely sucked ginat ass!
And finally…

Really Sucked!
-Taz: Not even Taz could escape bad gimmicks, as was the case when he wrestled as Tasmaniac in the early 90’s in what was then known as Eastern Champiosnhip Wrestling (the name of ECW before it became Extreme Championship Wrestling for the 5 ECW fans who don’t know.) I mean…..just look at that picture of him….LOOK AT HIM! He would walk around the ring like he was a savage or something, and….it was just crappy…far from the ass kicking Taz that we know of today.

So there you have it….hard to believe that some of your favorite ECW Wrestlers went through such crappy gimmicks. Oh…and one finally thing. A shout out to R.D Reynolds, who ran Wrestlecrap for a year or so, even without the help of Merle (R.I.P). So, It sucks that you had to shut the site down, but I’m glad you spent so many of your weekends making all of us laugh ever Friday morning. All the best luck to you. 

Frigging Stupid?
Feel free to e-mail me and tell me what you thought of this column. But for now, I’m tired as hell (just got back from work…9 f*ckin hours of scraping a house!). So this is El Loco Hombre, signing out.

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